


Any Resemblance to Men in Black is Entirely Coincidental

by goseaward



Category: American Idol RPF, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-15
Updated: 2010-04-15
Packaged: 2017-10-31 14:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/344878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goseaward/pseuds/goseaward
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"No, really, I'm not an alien," Adam said.</p><p>Rodney snorted. "We've seen every trick."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"No, really, I'm not an alien," Adam said.

Rodney snorted. "We've seen every trick," he said, which was scientifically inaccurate, but a useful exaggeration. Also, Adam's tricks weren't very _good_. One look at him was enough to confirm. "We're not that concerned about you"--another exaggeration, and Sheppard gave him an amused look over Adam's shoulder--"but we need to know what ship brought you here."

"I'll know if you're lying," Sheppard said.

Adam's eyes cut to the side, but he didn't turn to look. "No ship," he said. "I mean, I was on a cruise ship for a while, but I don't think that's what you were asking."

"Then how did you get here?" If there was another way to get onto Earth, Rodney wanted that technology. He wanted to--well, to make Zelenka take it apart, and then Rodney would poke at its inner workings with the tenderness of the steak he had finally, finally gotten to eat last night. MREs were wonderful, but sometimes you just wanted--

"My mom gave birth to me?" Adam said.

Sheppard rolled his eyes a little. "Do you have evidence of that?"

"They didn't take pictures of me exiting the womb..."

Rodney looked at Sheppard. "Could the mother or father be an alien? His skin is sort of shiny. That can't be normal."

"It's glitter!" Adam said. He scrubbed at his arm, but it didn't look appreciably less sparkly to Rodney. "It sticks like a bitch, okay," Adam said, frowning at it, "but it's not, like, my skin. Is that why you thought I was an alien?"

"No," Rodney said, flipping through the papers stacked in front of him, for show since he obviously remembered the important points. "You sustained a frequency that made our instruments very, very unhappy. Unusual for a human male."

"Wait, this is because I'm a good singer?"

"All right," Sheppard said. "We'll just test the brother."

"Neil's here?" Adam was cut off as a couple of goons showed up to take him to wherever they took people less important than Rodney. Rodney waited until Adam was gone to flip back to the most important page. He hadn't just hit the note, he'd sustained it with an incredible amount of power...

Sheppard leaned against the table, which Rodney only noticed because he also started talking. "I believe him," he said.

Rodney waved a hand. "Ludicrous. He had some overtones, obviously, but he held that pitch very close to the desired frequency for significantly longer than most humans would be able to."

"And he botched the next note," Sheppard said.

"More proof. He didn't care about any of the other frequencies. And that business about the glitter."

"Glitter really is hard to get off."

Rodney looked up, but John was already walking to the door to let the brother in. Rodney would say the day couldn't get any weirder, except he'd long ago learned his lesson about that.


	2. Chapter 2

Adam sat down at the table and crossed his arms. "So you know I'm not an alien, right?" he said.

"No, you are," Rodney said. "Probably one of your grandparents. Were any of them strange?"

Adam frowns. "All of them?" he said. "Although I think I would have noticed tentacles."

"Obviously," Rodney said, though it wasn't, which Adam would agree with if he'd had to deal with as many idiots as Rodney had. "By alien, we don't mean nonhuman, we mean one of the other cultures seeded by the--"

Sheppard coughed and Rodney cut himself off.

"Anyway, no. Obviously. Are any of your grandparents still alive? We want to speak to them."

"Didn't Neil tell you?" Adam said.

"He wasn't cooperative." Rodney ignored Sheppard's grin.

Adam smiled too, but he didn't say anything, which was wise. Sheppard would kill if Rodney told him to. Well, probably. "So my voice is really superhuman, then?" Adam said, losing some of his smile and not looking nearly as excited as Rodney would be if he'd just found out he had off-world DNA.

"Nope, that's all you," Sheppard said.

Adam smiled again. "It's the freckles, isn't it."

"Freckles?" Rodney said, while Sheppard said, "No." Rodney gave him his best stay-away-from-the-science glare. "No, it seems the only effect was your size," Rodney said.

"I know lots of people taller than me," Adam said, frowning. "I mean, assuming you're telling the truth. It's kind of crazy, but you've got guns, so I'm going with it for now."

"No, your penis size," Rodney said.

Adam's eyes widened. "So I'm one-quarter alien, and all I got was a huge cock?" he said. Then he stopped and looked thoughtful.

"Life is tough," Sheppard said.

Adam frowned again. "How did you know?"

"Military secrets," Rodney said, which was preferable to considering the short time in which Zelenka had come up with photographic evidence.

"Right," Adam said.

Rodney slapped a piece of paper down on the table in front of Adam. "Addresses for all your living relatives. Then you can go."

"I'm gonna need to call my mom," Adam said.

John nodded. When Zelenka walked in with a telephone, Rodney left to save the shred of his brain still left.


End file.
